i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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