Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
