I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
