I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
