is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
