did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
