dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
