My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
