Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.