you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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