You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
