Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
