THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
