Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
