Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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