She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
