just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
