I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
