He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize