the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
