hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
