I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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