I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
