I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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