Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
