I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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