This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
