I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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