I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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