does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
