dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
