my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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