"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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