Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
