I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That's intense
too bad you live with your parents still
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
