Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
