I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
