I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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