Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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