dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize