Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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