You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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