theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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