i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
