Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
