He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
