Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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