Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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