when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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