Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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