Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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