Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
