I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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