you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
