There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
