I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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