i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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