my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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