Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
