So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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