I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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