five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
