we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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