I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
