god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
