My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
