I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
