I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
