i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
