In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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