I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
