I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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