I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
